June 3, 2022
Breakups are painful. But at some point, some of us might start thinking about getting back with an ex. Is this a good idea? Our guide addresses when it would be a good idea to get back together with a former lover and in which cases you should avoid it at all costs.
Should You Get Back with Your Ex?
Deciding to get back together with someone you dated, knew, and possibly loved is always tough. Whether or not you should do it depends on various factors, including the type of relationship you had and what kind of problems you had previously faced. Each relationship is different and has its issues and difficulties.
Considerations before Getting Back Together
Firstly, look back at the failed relationship. Was it a kind, loving, supportive relationship? If it was, you might consider getting back together.
Secondly, when thinking about getting back together after a breakup, consider whether it was an amicable, messy, or traumatic breakup. If the breakup was civil, you might want to talk things out, settle your issues, and begin again.
Lastly, find out whether your ex wants to get back together. Although there would be issues to sort out before taking that step towards reconciliation, your former partner must genuinely want to be with you and is willing to work on the relationship.
|DID YOU KNOW? An alarming number of UK couples (18%) have stated that they argue regularly and have considered ending the relationship—that’s 2.87 million people in unhappy relationships.
Getting Back with an Ex: Is It a Good Idea?
There may come a time when you need to decide whether or not to get back together with your ex. Consider the pros and cons of your situation and see what prevails. If the good outweighs the bad, why not give it another go?
Pros & Cons of Getting Back Together with an Ex
When in doubt, make a pros and cons list when deciding if you should give it another go with your ex. Consider the following advantages and disadvantages when determining the fate of your relationship.
There are a few pros to getting back together:
The Relationship Can Be Fixed
You broke up for a reason, but sometimes the issues that caused the breakup can be solved, and you can rekindle your romance—given that they weren’t deal-breakers.
Both of You Changed
If you believe that both of you had grown and changed when you were separated, try moving forward with your plan of getting back together.
Willing to Work on the Relationship
Many may wonder: Should I get back with my ex? Make sure that both of you are willing to put in the work needed to repair the relationship and avoid past mistakes. Ensure that he (or she) isn’t displaying signs that he isn’t up for a relationship.
Trust Can Be Rebuilt
Broken trust is the underlying cause behind many breakups, but trust can be rebuilt. To avoid any tension, talk things through and address the breach(es) of trust—only then can you begin to rebuild.
Knowing Each Other
One of the best things about a romantic reunion with an old lover is that you already know one another. There’s no getting-to-know-you period, and you’re well aware of their flaws and imperfections. Remember the upsides if you’re thinking: ‘I want to get back with my ex’.
Some may still have a special romantic connection with their old flames, resulting in an on-and-off relationship and constantly being pulled back in. Such relationships deserve a second chance.
However, on the other hand, there are some reasons why this would be a bad idea:
Old Habits Die Hard
People rarely change, and old habits are hard to shake—one reason why getting back with an ex never works. If you don’t believe that your ex won’t be able to change their bad habits, it’s best not to try to get back together.
You Can’t Forgive
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can’t forgive and forget. And if you cannot forgive someone for the things they’ve done, it’s best to cut all ties and give up on what could have been.
You May Get Hurt Again
You were hurt once, and there’s no guarantee that you won’t get hurt again. If there was cheating involved, it’s likely to happen again. (Someone may cheat on you while claiming they love you.) If you don’t want to take this risk, don’t indulge in your past romance.
Should I go back to my ex? You shouldn’t go back to your ex for the wrong reasons. For example, loneliness and the fear of never finding love can often make people want to go back to someone who’s not right for them. Think twice about your reasons for going back and never settle for less than the right reasons.
Red flags are sometimes hard to spot; you might’ve missed them the first time around. For this reason, it’s good to dwell on the past and reflect on whether you had overlooked or dismissed red flags. If there are any such issues, it’s better to stay away.
Won’t Be the Same
Getting back with an ex years later—or even just a few months later—means that you’ll need to accept the things that occurred when you were apart. You should know that your relationship won’t be the same ever again. If you can’t make peace with that, it’s best to forgo trying.
|DID YOU KNOW? Getting rid of all the things that remind you of your ex is one of the best ways of getting over a breakup. Other measures that can help you cope with a painful breakup include travelling and reconnecting with family and friends.
Rules for Getting Back Together with an Ex
If you decide to give your relationship another chance, there are specific unwritten rules—at least in the beginning—you should abide by if you want your relationship to succeed. Consider the following critical guidelines for making a relationship work after a breakup.
- Communicate: Be honest and open when you talk to your ex. Strive to improve communication, which is the crucial component of healthy, happy relationships.
- Listen: Listening is not precisely the same as communicating. If your partner wants to confide in you or express their feelings, make sure you actively listen and try to understand.
- Take it slow: Getting back together after a breakup means you start a new chapter of your relationship, and you might be eager to rush things. But it’s essential to take things slow and let everything happen in its own time.
- Have a date night: Find time for just the two of you; a date night is an excellent way to do this. And there are plenty of unique ideas for dates in the comfort of your home.
- Practise commitment: A fresh start allows you to form a stronger attachment and commit to each other. If one of you is having trouble with commitment issues, address them and seek help.
- Let go of the past: Getting back together with an ex entails letting go of the past. Settle any old issues and don’t assign blame for what was. Look only to the future.
Even though each relationship requires the fulfilment of different needs to survive and thrive, following these recommendations will increase the chances of success, and you’ll know you did your best to make it work.
|DID YOU KNOW? Pillow talk is beneficial for relationships. It increases levels of intimacy, enhances trust, improves sex life, and is responsible for higher overall relationship satisfaction.
Will the Relationship Work after Getting Back with Your Ex?
Many are hesitant to go back to an ex because they’re not confident the relationship will work. Sadly, there’s no guarantee that any relationship will work in the long run—there’s no golden rule to follow. But if you feel strongly about your partner and care about the relationship, start with a clean slate and see what happens.
Relationships require hard work and effort to have a chance of succeeding. If you’re willing to put in the work, your chances of fulfilment in the relationship will improve significantly.
Getting back together is a complicated process. But if you believe that going back to an ex is the best thing for you, then take a leap of faith and revive the relationship. Our guide has aimed to give you a helping hand in deciding whether you should get back together with an old flame, lists the pros and cons of doing so and equips you with essential rules.
Whether or not reconciling with an old partner is a good idea depends on how things ended. It also relies on whether something has changed in the meantime and whether you’re both willing to work on your relationship.
Some studies suggest that 40 to 50% of those in a broken relationship had reunited with an ex.
Getting back with an ex takes at least a month, but most get back together in the first six months after breaking up.
Research shows that around 15% of couples who broke up and got back together stayed together in the long run. While not an encouraging number, this proves that getting back together can be a success story.