Pillow Talk: What Is It and How Can It Benefit Your Relationship?


Relationships are complicated. Sometimes, two partners can begin feeling distant and disconnected. Fortunately, there’s a solution that can fix this: pillow talk. This article addresses the meaning of pillow talk, why it’s essential, and when and how it should be used. Find out how you and your relationship can benefit from pillow talk.

What Is Pillow Talk - Image 1

What Is Pillow Talk?

Pillow talk is an intimate conversation between two lovers that typically happens in bed. These conversations can occur before or after sex, but not always—it doesn’t need to precede or follow physical intimacy or sex.

Pillow talk conversations can include compliments to your partner, the events of the day, or plain ole small talk. They can also, however, be much deeper and more intimate. A pillow talk conversation doesn’t necessarily involve eye contact—so many find it easier to open up and be more vulnerable. It can also be accompanied by cuddling, caressing, and other displays of physical affection.

The Origins of Pillow Talk

The origins of the pillow talk meaning can be traced back to 1910, with the first recorded use of the expression ‘pillow talk’ having the same sense as today—although the practice itself had been passed down for generations before this. The term became more widely used during the second half of the 20th century when it featured in numerous films and popular songs.

DID YOU KNOW? The term ‘pillow-mate’ is often thought to be the precursor of ‘pillow talk’. But during the 1870s, this slang was related to prostitution.

Why Is Pillow Talk Important?

What does pillow talk mean in regards to its importance and benefits? Pillow talk has numerous benefits, but what’s behind these? When couples engage in conversation and cuddling with their boyfriend or girlfriend, the production of the hormone oxytocin increases.

Oxytocin is dubbed the ‘love hormone’ or ‘bonding hormone’, which helps people feel closer and more connected. So the question of ‘what’s pillow talk’ includes its effect on our bodies and minds, which is an additional benefit to the relationship.

Benefits of Pillow Talk

Consider some of the following essential benefits of pillow talk:

  • Higher relationship satisfaction: Those who practice small talk report higher overall satisfaction with their relationships.
  • Better sex life: Frequent intimate exchanges boost sex drive and performance.
  • Enhanced trust: Couples who spend more time communicating acknowledge higher levels of trust.
  • Increased intimacy: Pillow talk strengthens the emotional connection, and partners feel higher levels of intimacy.
  • Better communication skills: The question, ‘what is pillow talk in relationships’, can best be seen in developing better communication skills in all aspects of the relationship.
  • Getting to know your partner: People get to know each other and progress more quickly through the relationship stages with pillow talk.
  • Falling in love: The more time you spend in conversation, the more likely feelings of lust will turn into love—it’s advantageous to know the difference between the two.

These are only some of the benefits of engaging in pillow talk. The following section includes pillow talk examples of when and how you should use it.

DID YOU KNOW? The heart rates of those in a romantic relationship who have developed a strong bond can synchronise if they stare into each other’s eyes for three minutes.

Key Takeaways

Pillow talk is an intimate conversation between lovers that takes place in bed.
The first use of the expression ‘pillow talk’ was recorded in 1910.
The hormone oxytocin (the love hormone) is released during pillow talk.
Pillow talk should be practised as often as the relationship requires—every day or several times per week.
Dirty talk is different from pillow talk. Pillow talk doesn’t need to be sexual, while dirty talk is exclusively sexual.

When Is Pillow Talk Appropriate?

What is pillow talk and its benefits may still leave you confused about when it should occur. Many may wonder if they should practice pillow talk each day/night or reserve it for a special occasion.

There’s no specific rule about when it’s appropriate to use pillow talk. Each couple is different, and each relationship has a different dynamic. The two partners should agree on how often they could benefit from such one-on-one conversations.

It’s highly recommended, however, for couples to define pillow talk in terms of their relationship and set some time apart for pillow talk at least several times a week. Partners who have problems in their relationship should pillow talk even more often, preferably every night. And if there’s trouble in paradise, romantic gestures for your girlfriend can help you win her back—the same holds true for boyfriends, too.

DID YOU KNOW? In most cases, women like to bond through meaningful conversations, while men prefer to engage in certain activities with their significant other, including sports or games. Cooking together can also strengthen the romantic bond.

How to Engage in Pillow Talk

You may feel insecure about beginning such a conversation and wonder if you should ask your partner for some pillow talk. We’ve compiled the following list of five pillow talk tips that should help you through the process.

#1 Keep It Light

The bedroom is a place for rest and relaxation. So avoid sensitive, stressful, and complex issues. And while avoiding such matters, don’t ask if your partner is comfortable with the conversation. During pillow talk, topics you should generally avoid include ex-partners, family, work problems, finances, past disagreements, and significant life decisions.

#2 Listen

Do guys like pillow talk as much as girls do? There’s a reasonable explanation why everyone likes pillow talk: everyone wants to be heard. So the next time you’re pillow talking, make sure you carefully listen to what your partner says—thereby showing the love and appreciation you feel towards your partner.

#3 Enjoy the Silence

When you share a comfortable silence, it can be one of the most striking signs of love. Both of you may go silent in the conversation, which is no cause for concern. Sometimes, you just need to relax and enjoy the silence.

#4 Touch Your Partner

The pillow talk meaning would be incomplete without physical touch. It’s essential to show physical affection in your conversation. Kisses, hugs, and cuddles help your partner to feel comfortable.

#5 Avoid Distractions

When you’re engaged in pillow talk, forget about everything else. Remove all distractions, especially your phone and other electronic devices. Pillow talk works only when both parties are fully committed.

DID YOU KNOW? Men are more likely to say ‘I love you’ first. They also express love quicker than women and are more emotionally affected by break-ups.

Dirty Talk vs Pillow Talk

Does the question, ‘what is pillow talk in relationships’, include ‘dirty talk’? Although these two expressions seem similar, consider the following distinct differences.

Dirty Talk Pillow Talk
Used before or during sex Doesn’t need to be sexual
Superficial and ostensible More profound and vulnerable
No long-term effects Long-term benefits
Requires consent Doesn’t need permission
Intense Comfortable and relaxing
Often includes role-play About being yourself

Another significant difference when we define pillow talk vs dirty talk is that you can use dirty talk with anyone, as long as it’s comfortable with both parties and everything is consensual. You can dirty talk with casual sexual partners, even with one-night stands.

If you wish to engage in pillow talk, you need to have developed an emotional connection with the other person and be ready to open up to them. But what does pillow talk mean to those who have an emotional connection and know the positive effects yet cannot open up? This could be a sign of commitment issues that need to be addressed.

DID YOU KNOW? Relationships can have a positive effect on a person’s personality. Those who have displayed neurotic tendencies in the past can become more self-confident and optimistic by being in a loving, committed relationship.


What’s pillow talk? Engaging in pillow talk with your partner can make a significant difference in your relationship and compel you to feel closer and more connected to each other. Our guide has presented the benefits of pillow talk and when and how to practise it. We hope that you can apply our advice to your relationship.


What are pillow talk questions?

Some good pillow talk questions include: How was your day? What’s your ideal romantic getaway? What made you laugh today? What are you grateful for? You can ask almost anything that comes to mind.

What can I discuss with my girlfriend?

So what is pillow talk? You should talk about light, relaxed topics and compliment your girlfriend and tell her what you love about her. You’ll never go wrong with this approach.


I've loved writing since I can remember, and back in high school, I started loving psychology as well. So I majored in it while dabbling in spirituality and yoga on the side.

Latest from Jelena

5 Must-Have Spiritual Tools You Can Use for Daily Spiritual Practices Why Do I Twitch When I Sleep? [Common Reasons Explained] What Is Past Life Regression & How to Do It 7 Symptoms of Negative Energy at Home

Leave a Reply